Final Script

Script draft 3

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Script Draft 2

Script draft 2

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Script draft 1

Script draft 1

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Final Treatment

Final treatment

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Treatment Draft 2

Treatment draft 2

FEEDBACK


Criticism
- The flow of the story is repetitive
- We shouldn’t do the same thing over and over again.
- Stay away from repeating what goes on
- Show what the main character has overcome
- We have not properly developed our idea

Improvements/good points
- Story goes on for 2days
- The story flows well
- Talk to the boy who is blind we are making the film about
- Get ideas of not being confident
- When the phone rings, he replies "not coming out"
- When the friend is knocking at his door/frightened to get out of bed/knock at the door and no one comes out
- It seems rushed/jumped at some points
- Show more of a lack of confidence
- Maybe scared to get out of bed?
- We need to set it up properly
- Steer clear of the stereotypical bullying theme
- Put yourself in his position
- Be more creative!!!
-Make it more realistic
- Make the mum be more fussy over the boy
-Make much more of a fuss of the girl he saved

Treatment Draft 1

Treatment

FEEDBACK

After presenting out first draft of our treatment to our class we got feedback on all the areas we needed to improve on and all the areas we were strong in.

The questions our peers wanted answers to were the following:
- How would we portray the crash?
The way in which we would portray the car crash would be to show Kieran having flashbacks. The different aspects of the car crash would be shown in three different flashbacks. The first flashback would be of Kieran and his mother putting their seat belts on in the car. The second flashback would be an extreme close up of the tyres on the road as the car is moving (this would be shown in slow motion as an image-to-image shot). The third flashback would be of Kieran having a mental block while the audience hear the non-diagetic sound of the cars crashing into each other. This way we get our point across to the audience without having to the issue of how to produce a fake car crash.


- Do we not think this is too much to fit into a short film?
Everything we included in our treatment was a back story to the character in order to build up his character profile. It was also to tell the audience a bit more about the situation our character was facing. We were therefore not going to show everything in our film we were only going to show the essential parts in order to get our story across to the audience.


- Why were the school kids picking on him? Don't you think they should have been pitying him?


- Why does Kieran go back to school? should he not be going to a school in which he can get addition help?


- What happens to Jane at the end of the story?
She is left heartbroken due to her son not being able to deal with the blindness.


- What is the actual story? What is the change that he faces?
Our group realised that the end of our story was not sufficient enough so we had to re-think our idea.


- What was the purpose of Chloe? Maybe involve her more in the story?
To build Kieran's character profile.


Additional comments our class gave us:


- There needs to be a clear change at the end of the story.
- Maybe put the blindness at the beginning of the story instead of introducing it to the audience.
- Too much of a background story.
- If your using a school location, more actors need to play the role of the children otherwise the realism is broken.
- Maybe go against what the doctors have said about him never being able to see again?
- Character has to have an outer presence.
- Character has to have an inner presence.
- Good story line.
- Why would we choose to use the story idea as a guy going for a girl? its normally the other way round.
- Instead we did a girl going for the boy
- what’s the story matter?
- what’s the journey? girl giving up all her pride and thoughts to follow her heart
- How would we show everything in the space of 5min
- Is it comical?
- Is it typical? Rise out of the ordinary, be creative, don’t revisit the same old film ideas.
- Have you thought out practicalities?

Ray (2004)

In our group we had to individually look at videos that were related to our theme of blindness. I found and watched the American feature film called ‘Ray  ’Our Film is very similar to this film and we was able to use some ideas from it.

Theme Of Blindness - Research News Article

 In our group we had to individually look at articles that were related to our theme of blindness This article is about the possible causes of blindness ,this helped me develop the film.


Research

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Theme Of Blindness - Research

In our group we had to individually look at videos that were related to our theme of blindness. I found and watched the American feature film called ‘Blindness’Our Film is very similar to this film and we was able to use some ideas from it

Research

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Theme Of Blindness - Research

In our group we had to individually look at videos that were related to our theme of blindness. I found and watched the American feature film called ‘Miracle Worker’. Our Film is very similar to this film and we was able to use some ideas from it

Research

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Second Pitch

Feedback From Other Groups


We gained a lot of information from the feedback, questions and answers which we are going to use, both the negative and positive comments to help develop and improve out film idea. First question was ‘What will be shown in the film?’ And we answered with- An accident will take place where the young boy gets his injury- What the boy has to deal with at home and at his 1st days back in a school environment - How the mother deals and overcomes the new situation Next Question ‘Who will play the blind person as it will be hard for someone with full vision to portray the part.’ We replied- We have already asked a student in the school who has recently lost complete sight in his left eye if he would be willing to help us in our film. Third Question ‘Will we be seeing from the boy’s point of view or the audience?’We replied - There will a lot of shots where it will be from the audience’s point of view however the main focus will be the boy’s point of view as it is his journey which we are seeing. Fourth Question ‘What way are going to show the boy becoming blind through an accident or an hereditary condition.’We replied - We are not sure at the moment but we are leaning towards the hereditary idea as showing an accident would be hard/difficult Some then commented that the actual accident did not have to be shown and that we can become creative with it. Comments - ‘I like the idea, of the boy walking through the school saying “Hi” to his friends and while he carries on walking he starts to see shadows and gradual darkness.’- ‘It is a great idea because you can get into the world of the character.’- ‘With this idea you able to be very creative and imaginative.’ - ‘There is a movie that could help us with our ideas with the short film and it was called “Ray” starring Jamie Foxx.’- ‘ The story needs more work and that we should speak to the boy in the school and ask more about his story. As it will help us develop skills on how to become sensitive when talking to people about personal stories.’- ‘It’s great your haven’t made it into a stereotypical story ‘- ‘The idea of the story is good and very emotive.’

First Pitch

As a group we all came up with two film ideas then as a team we decided that out of the 6 ideas we had in total we choose two.  Below are the two taglines and pitches that we come with:

Tagline – Chic to Geek

Pitch – Not your typical teenage love story when a girl changes everything she has for the most unexpected guy only to leave her standing in the lurch with nothing.

This story is a very different to the very ordinary teen love story, it has a twist which will keep the audience involved. This story can end with a complete happy ending or end in devastation. This story can be filmed onsite within school this makes it much easier on the day of the shooting.  There are a range of shoots that can be used with the camera, to show facial expressions, body language, actions and reactions. This is important when creating a film with minimum or no dialogue as the shoots will be needed to tell the story. If with the right camera shots sound if not important only for the background music to help set the scenes and locations. The props needed would be basic school items and will be easy to provide due the location. However there may be a problem with the location as it is a school so we will need to film where there will be no other school children maybe walking, this would affect our shooting and will need to discuss more in the location plan. 

2nd Film Idea

Treatment

Characters - Jane, David

Jane was a typical girl living in a town, her new boyfriend David was a year older than her. They started dating at the start of the summer as he was in time visiting family . In the heat of the moment, she said yes. When summer ended they agree to carry on the relationship, by train they only lived 1hour away from each other. They met every other weekend and texted everyday and called every night before going to sleep. He came down for Christmas to see his family again but then came spent Boxing Day with Jane when she announced to him that she was pregnant.  Jane was in love David and David claimed he loved her the same. Straight away they started making plans for new coming baby. After New Year’s David returned back home and for a while things went back to normal. However after a couple of weeks David kept cancelling on Jane telling her that she can’t come visit and she can’t visit her. Jane started to hear rumours that David had been seen with another woman at first Jane didn’t believe the rumours. Jane decided that for a David’s birthday surprise she went to visit him but a day earlier than planned. Only to find that when she turned up on David’s door she was greeted by a girl wearing one of David’s shirts which were brought by Jane. When the shouting began David appeared at the door he came clean and admitted that he was cheating and that he no longer wanted to be with Jane. She was heartbroken and left 4months pregnant and alone....

1st Film Idea

Treatment

Characters -Ella, Brian

The story starts with Ella in her bedroom it is early in the morning and she is woken up by her alarm, the sun is piercing through the curtains. She sits up and looks over at her calendar, which shows that today is the 18^th July and it is the day of Ella’s Prom.  And the day that her schools most popular boy in school who is also the captain of the football team takes her to prom. Ella has been dreaming of this day for years, and she has been dating the footballer Brian for 3 months now and when he asked her too the prom Ella couldn’t wait. Full of excitement Ella jumps of the bed and runs to her parents’ bedroom and jumps on their bed, squealing with joy. Looks up at the clock its 10:00am she decides it is time to get time to jump in the bath and start getting ready  as she only got till 7:00pm to get ready and there is lots to be done. She goes to the salon and gets the full treatment with manicure, pedicure, hair and makeup. Ella looks astonishingly beautiful she returns home and runs upstairs to put on her dress on.  Ella came downstairs in a beautiful blue stain cocktail dress and it was 6:50 she was set and ready to go. All she had to do was wait for Brian to turn up , she wait and waited and waited, soon it was 7:30, she rang him, texted him and Ella was devastated when he didn’t  reply or answer. Her mum comforted her and told Ella to forget and go to prom without him. At first Ella refused at first then decided that it was the best choice to have fun without him however she was still devastated.  When she got there he wasn’t to be seen, Ella danced all night with her girls. Then Brian walks in the door with a girl more beautiful than Ella has seen. He walked to Ella and told her it was over it front of the whole of the school. Ella ran home she was not only heartbroken but also devastated.

Other Film & Pitches

Other Film & Pitches on Prezi

Story Structure

Now that the group have come up with a story idea, we did a worksheet which allowed us to help with story structures. I had to look at the following stories and answer the questions:

The Slave and the Lion

‘A Slave ran away from his master, by whom he had been most cruelly treated, and, in order to avoid capture, betook himself into the desert. As he wandered about in search of food and shelter, he came to a cave, which he entered and found to be unoccupied. Really, however, it was a Lion's den, and almost immediately, to the horror of the wretched fugitive, the Lion himself appeared. The man gave himself up for lost: but, to his utter astonishment, the Lion, instead of springing upon him and devouring him, came and fawned upon him, at the same time whining and lifting up his paw. Observing it to be much swollen and inflamed, he examined it and found a large thorn embedded in the ball of the foot. He accordingly removed it and dressed the wound as well as he could: and in course of time it healed up completely. The Lion's gratitude was unbounded; he looked upon the man as his friend, and they shared the cave for some time together. A day came, however, when the Slave began to long for the society of his fellow-men, and he bade farewell to the Lion and returned to the town. Here he was presently recognised and carried off in chains to his former master, who resolved to make an example of him, and ordered that he should be thrown to the beasts at the next public spectacle in the theatre. On the fatal day the beasts were loosed into the arena, and among the rest a Lion of huge bulk and ferocious aspect; and then the wretched Slave was cast in among them. What was the amazement of the spectators, when the Lion after one glance bounded up to him and lay down at his feet with every expression of affection and delight! It was his old friend of the cave! The audience clamoured that the Slave's life should be spared: and the governor of the town, marvelling at such gratitude and fidelity in a beast, decreed that both should receive their liberty.’

1. Who is the main character in the story? Why?

In this story the main character is the slave this is because the narrative is based around him. The slave also instigates the actions in the story. And also the story is based around the slave how he faced his problems and challenges.

2. What is the difference between the slave at the beginning and the end?

 At the beginning the slave was shown to be a fugitive on the run, looking and searching for freedom.  At the end he has overcome all his problems and seems more confident than at the start. This story shows the journey of the slave, the path he travels and the goals he has achieved.

3. What are the different goals and aims that the Slave has during the course of the story?

<!--[if !supportLists]-->-      <!--[endif]-->Escape from the master

<!--[if !supportLists]-->-      <!--[endif]-->Seek shelter

<!--[if !supportLists]-->-      <!--[endif]-->Give up or get eaten by the lion

<!--[if !supportLists]-->-      <!--[endif]-->The slave wants to help the lion

<!--[if !supportLists]-->-      <!--[endif]-->Wants human company

<!--[if !supportLists]-->-      <!--[endif]-->He wants to survive when ring.

4. Does the story feel finished?

No, the story does not feel finished, as after the long journey and the troubles the slave had to endure. As a reader I want to know what happens after the slave gains his freedom.  

5. What is the story ‘about’? Have the characters learned anything?

Both the lion and slave have learnt about friendship, cruelty, kindness, humanity and beastliness. The slave taught the lion kindness and the lion then returned that kindness.